Jude's Rant


Well, Phil asked me to write something again. I asked what he wanted, he said "Anything. Hell start some controversy if ya want". Ok, here it is. Some of you are going to get real pissed, and say what that I'm a jerk, others may say I'm a genius. I'm fine with either, however I think I'll get more of the former. We shall see.

 

First off, I hate anything that calls itself a fucking Boot Camp, or group training. People always ask, "Oh, do you do boot camps or fitness classes"? No! Sorry, I'm not Jane Fonda and this isn't the 1980's or 90's. Stop it already! It ain't Boot Camp, because if it were, you couldn't call in hung over, you can't just not show up for whatever sorry ass excuse you've got. All this pseudo tough guy/ girl shit. If you were really bad ass, you'd be in the military, in real Boot Camp. And many of these blow hards running these things aren't very impressive either. My guess is, if you're getting "fit", as Phil likes to say, from one of these adult gym classes, you probably were in pretty bad shape to begin with. Isn't that right, P90X people? Muscle confusion?? I hate you!!

 

You're asking yourself, "why the hostility, dude"?. Because, these things are just a money grab for the people conducting these things. I'm so sick and tired of this industry only interested in separating people from their money, and not giving lasting benefits in return.  I got an email the other day from some stupid ass group, "Boot Camp Profits" blah, blah, blah. I checked it out. All it touted were the endless profits, set your own schedule, make more money, payday, payday, payday. No one sentence, not one fucking word asking if I was interested in making people stronger, faster, or improving their health. Although, one bullet point did mention that, "people who suffer, prefer to do it together". Really? It all seems so damn disingenuous. You can't sit there with a straight face and tell me that each client is having his or her needs met with. You're gonna tell me 15-30 people at a time, all have the very same capabilities? It's ok if they don't though, just yell and scream at them, that should do the trick. I'm not even gonna get into the different types, and levels of dysfunction each of them may have. Just figure it's about 15-30 different instances.

 

 For some reason, I keep getting new clients who spent the last several months in one of these things, and they still can't perform pushups or body weight squats to save their lives. Don't get me started on the fact that, if I'm not making them damn near throw up, every time I see them, they feel they aren't getting their money's worth. Clearly, they haven't had anything that even remotely resembles some intelligent programming. Not that I'm some world class strength coach, but c'mon y'all!! 

 

And to a much lesser degree, Crossfit I'm callin' you out on this one, too. I love that fact that you folks are trying to create a more strength based environment. What the Russians called "Physical Culture", but damn, the volume seems a bit much for regular civilians. Some things just weren't meant to be taught to 20 people at a time. I'm not gonna get into the Oly. Lifts here, because admittedly, that isn't in my wheel house, but  I've had too many new clients come to work with me, because they've fucked themselves up after being to a CF facility, and trying to do very technical lifts with too little experience. It isn't because many of you aren't good coaches, because I know many of you are, it's do to the fact there are just too damn many people to keep an eye on, and in my opinion and the opinion of many others, the volume is just too high. Remember, very few of these folks are former D1 athletes. We can't train them as such.

 

Some things that are in my wheelhouse are kettlebell drills and lifts. Here is another abomination I see at bootcamps and the few CF facilities I've been invited to visit. Much like the Oly. Lifts, kettlebell lifts are very technical, as well. This is clearly not something to be done at the breakneck pace that people are being asked to perform at. All the snatches and swings done with the most "for shit" technique, you can imagine, just to meet the quota of the day. Doesn't it say somewhere in our oath "Do no harm"? I mean, we have clients get hurt in the best of conditions, why open the door and invite in disaster? In defense of the CF facility I was asked to come and evaluate, and the guy leading the WOD, he was giving proper ques and instruction when he saw errors, but with 16 people, he couldn't keep up.

 

With my rant complete, crucify me or cannonize me. Whatever you feel is appropriate. 

Jude Howe

I.K.F.F. Level 1 C.K.T.
K.B.C. Level 1 Instructor
I.S.S.A. C.P.T.
Professional Member of the N.S.C.A.